A New Year ?

I thought the New Year was going to be great. I made a small list of things that I would like to accomplish this year. This list is not a bunch of resolutions; it's just a list of things that I hope to have done by my 40th birthday. No pressure, just things that aught to be out of the way at this stage of my life.

Well, at 9:01pm (cst) on New Year's day I get a call from my little brother (little as he is 36 year old). The first thing out of his mouth is; "You will need to sit down for this". Now I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and all kinds of thoughts go racing through my head. I tell him to just say it as I'm not going to sit down. I would rather hear the news and if I drop to the floor from fainting, so be it!

Next, he spouts out; "Guess who's in town?” Well, I just had lunch with my cousin who I haven't seen or talked to in over 7 years, so I can rule her out. I have no other ideals, so I say; "Just tell me!!” The next words out of his mouth could have floored me if I didn't give a rat’s ass, but it did. My brother says; "Guess who's still alive? Joe". I'm now sitting down. Joe is my father who I haven't seen in over 18 years and the last verbal contact of kind was over 14 years ago.

Now I honestly can't remember anything that my brother said after that. I don't know how my father was able to make contact with him nor do I care right now. All the feeling that I felt when I was 4-10 years came back. My parents divorced when I was about 4 1/2 yrs old. My father didn't want anything to do with his 3 kids. He had tried to come back a few times, when the other woman didn't want him around, but my mom was too smart for that game, but she did teach us on how to milk him for things that he wasn't paying in the little child support that my mom was getting. Needless to say that this is and will always is a bitter pill for me and I’m not choosing to swallow it what so ever. Now my brother may talk to him, but I'm choosing to keep on believing that he is dead.

Happy New Year indeed!

I'm Baaacckkk!!

I haven't posted in such a long time, that I had forgotten my password back into this world. I lot has happened, so much so that I can't go to get into all of it. You can be sure that I have kept up with Anderson. He had some ups and downs, but that's news for ya.

My latest news is my cousin. I haven't talked to her in over 7 years. We used to be real close like sisters, but hey time and situations change that leads us to different places in our lives. Well that she has called me up, I'm a little suspicious on her motive, but time will tell. What she will learn new about me is that I don't trust people, so if she expects to start back we the friendship left off, she has another thing coming.

As I mention before, there has been a lot happening to me in the last few months, one of them is that I open up an EHarmony account. Well now the not trusting people part comes into play. I'm trying to take a leap of faith here. I taking a step out of my comfort zone on this with guys as that is the area that I really, really don't trust the most. I know that I grow up in a family where I was the only girl, except for my mom of course, so I should be comfortable around guys. That point would be true in a normal family situation, but my up bringing wasn't normal.

Anyway, we'll see what happens next on both fronts.

Okay Andy, do you wear deodorant??