Do Everything Right, But.....

You can walk on the straight line all your life, but something out of no way can put a huge whole in your plans. I just learned from my cousin that she had surgery. Of course, this comes as a complete surprise, as I was calling her to wish her a happy birthday. Instead I was the one surprised. My cousin, who at one point in my life was more a sister to me then a cousin told me that she had a complete hysterectomy. I was in shock and she had to repeat to me. My mind instantly started going over memories from years pasted and I remembered that her monthly cycles were always heavy and she would be in more pain then normal, but never knew it would lead to this. I snapped myself out of the blind sidedness and asked her if it was due to fibroids and she said yes. The reason why I said fibroids and not cancer is because I have them. My fibroids are small and are not a problem for me. I never knew that they could lead to a hysterectomy. The next question out my mouth was; “The surgery necessary?" She says yes and them tells me that she has had 2 other surgeries for problematic fibroids. Again, I'm floored to learn this. I know my family can be closed mouthed on a lot of things, but I never thought we would keep having major surgery a secret! My cousin goes on to tell the whole ordeal that she’s had over growing fibroids and that the surgery she had on August 20th was much needed as the fibroids were pushing against other major organs and that she wanted to stop taking pain pills that she has been on for over 10 years. You could pluck every hair off my body and I would not have felt a thing as she was telling me the story. My heart and love goes out to her, as I know that she really, really wanted to have a baby and now she can never have one of her own. She says that she is working on coming to terms with that reality. Here I am silently worrying about my own biological clock ticking away while hers has just been snatched from her. My cousin is seeking help in dealing with this by talking with a psychiatrist weekly which is great, but her heart has a hole that will never be filled. I know people say that you can adopt, but it's not the same as having a child that is a part of you.

Long Time No See...

Well, I has been almost 7 months since I wrote on this blog site. It feels funny. I've been doing things, but haven't bothered to write about them. That would be my fear of communicating with other humans kicking in.

Hum... What has happened. First off, I decided to pamper myself again. I'm treating myself to bi-weekly visits to the hair salon. Man it feels good to have someone else do all the work. And the plus side to this is that I'm out of the salon in under two hours. trust me, this is a big deal. I had stop going to the hair salon, because it would take four hours just to get a wash, condition and styled. I would be the first appointment, yet leave way later! I was too through with that. So, I've been doing my own hair for 7+ years. I'm so happy about this salon, it runs like a well oiled engine! I tried something else to, I went and did highlights in my hair. It really looks gorgeous! I have gotten many comps on it.

Next Up! I got new glasses and they look wonderful. I also, got contacts, but I'm still in the training stage. The right eye astigmatism is worst and the soft contact lenses may by out if the next go around of testing doesn't work. I pray it does. Who know that vanity would be an issue now in this stage of my life.

My birthday gift to myself this year was... a treadmill! Yup, I saved up my own money to get it. I didn't want to hear boo from anyone that they did this and that for me. I can feel proud all by myself. The bad news is that I injured my back after just using it for a week. That was not fun at all. It took me 10 minutes to get out of bed just to go to the bathroom. I later learned that this is a popular thing for people new to the tread world. I'm still recovering. I've used the thing twice since getting hurt, but I plan on jumping back on it this coming week on a regular basis.

What didn't happen this year for me could take a while, but I know how to condense things up. I have not found my true love. I have joined the online world of dating and nothing from it yet. I have not given up! For the real world meet and greet, that isn't working either. I get the bums that others kick to the curb. My girl friends all live out of the way and I don't drive, so it makes it hard to hang out with people I trust to help me look for a mate. I will need to lose weight or decide to be by myself. I will keep looking, until my mind and heart has had enough.

I didn't go back to school, my fear again kicks in about being too old for this and not feeling that I'm smart enough to do the whole school thing again. But the 4 year degree looks so good right now. The only problem is, that there are a lot and I do mean a lot of young college kids out there and big businesses want them. My age could and would be a big factor. Not to mention the interviewing and communicating training classes at work I would need. There are more issues here, but I'll write about them another day.

There are a few more pluses here, I've gained a friend on my MySpace site. This person is part of the AC Fan world. I need to update my page on that site. I hate to look bad to the new friends.

Last but not least, I'm always happy to see this man Monday - Friday (when he is in the office)

he turned 40 this year as did I.