Do Everything Right, But.....

You can walk on the straight line all your life, but something out of no way can put a huge whole in your plans. I just learned from my cousin that she had surgery. Of course, this comes as a complete surprise, as I was calling her to wish her a happy birthday. Instead I was the one surprised. My cousin, who at one point in my life was more a sister to me then a cousin told me that she had a complete hysterectomy. I was in shock and she had to repeat to me. My mind instantly started going over memories from years pasted and I remembered that her monthly cycles were always heavy and she would be in more pain then normal, but never knew it would lead to this. I snapped myself out of the blind sidedness and asked her if it was due to fibroids and she said yes. The reason why I said fibroids and not cancer is because I have them. My fibroids are small and are not a problem for me. I never knew that they could lead to a hysterectomy. The next question out my mouth was; “The surgery necessary?" She says yes and them tells me that she has had 2 other surgeries for problematic fibroids. Again, I'm floored to learn this. I know my family can be closed mouthed on a lot of things, but I never thought we would keep having major surgery a secret! My cousin goes on to tell the whole ordeal that she’s had over growing fibroids and that the surgery she had on August 20th was much needed as the fibroids were pushing against other major organs and that she wanted to stop taking pain pills that she has been on for over 10 years. You could pluck every hair off my body and I would not have felt a thing as she was telling me the story. My heart and love goes out to her, as I know that she really, really wanted to have a baby and now she can never have one of her own. She says that she is working on coming to terms with that reality. Here I am silently worrying about my own biological clock ticking away while hers has just been snatched from her. My cousin is seeking help in dealing with this by talking with a psychiatrist weekly which is great, but her heart has a hole that will never be filled. I know people say that you can adopt, but it's not the same as having a child that is a part of you.